One Angry Little Man

What do you do when everyone else around you can see and you can't?

Dear Everyone, I’m sorry this is a week late. I got stupid sick and couldn’t do much of anything, but I’m better now - so enjoy!

The door slamming shut would have been deafening had the halfling not been so loud.

“Get back here! I’m not done with you yet!”

He hit the floor at the base of the stairs at an angle, scraping his cheek on the surface as he rolled the rest of the way to the center of the room. He was only down for an instant before getting up to his knees, his movements awkward from his hands being tied behind his back, and turned toward the the door to tell the guards exactly what he thought about their mothers, but the light vanished behind the solid oak doors before he could get a word out.

That didn’t stop him from expressing his sentiments. Creativity should never be repressed just because there isn’t an audience to appreciate it. It was only after he had exhausted said creativity that he paused to take stock of his surroundings, but all he was met with was darkness.

This wasn’t your normal darkness, where it is just the absence of light that would turn into a dim greyness if you stare long enough. This was an inkiness that you could breathe in, that you could feel on your skin.

He might have been in the void of space, except he could feel rough stones already chafing his knees, their ancient coldness seeping through the fabric of his trousers. The air was the stale breath and acidic bite of at least a hundred years' worth of sloshed wine and halfhearted washing.

It was not a pleasant smell to have rubbed into your face a moment before.

“If you think you’re going to scare me into submission,” he yelled, “then I have news for you! I’M NOT SCARED OF THE DARK!”

“I am.”

He snapped his head around toward the sound of the voice. It didn’t help - all he could see was more monotonous blackness.

“Who said that?!”

“I did. I mean, I don’t have any reason to be, but I think I would be scared of it if it was actually something I could experience.” The voice sounded small, not just in volume and pitch, but somehow just sounded petite.

Even so, he knew better than anyone that the most dangerous beings in the universe were usually small.

“Just to let you know, if you were planning on attacking me, you will be faced with the wrath of Stu the Barbarian!”

“But you’re all tied up too.”

Stu didn’t know how to respond. In a situation like this, when he came across someone stupid enough to contradict him, he usually just punched them in the face. In this case, the bluff might be best.

“No, I’m not.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re just as helpless as the rest of us,” said a new voice. This one was still feminine, only more normal and somehow stronger. Stu snapped his head around, but still couldn’t see anyone. He was starting to get frustrated, which was always a dangerous thing to have happen.

“Who said THAT!?!”

“I did, you blockhead. Or are you blind as well as stupid?”

“He’s a halfling, Farius. So he is blind. He doesn’t have darkvision like the rest of us - a clear disadvantage for his race.”

This voice was light and fair, but the disdain was obvious in more than just her words.

“I’ll show you how disadvantaged I am once I find you!”

“Everyone, just calm down!” The fourth voice said. This one was the most normal of all the voices, almost human if only for the hint of the infuriating lightness of the third voice. “We’ve established that the newest member of our prison block can’t see in the dark, and we don’t need to antagonize him over it.”

“I wasn’t antagonizing, I was just stating the fact that his race is inferior. That’s hardly a reason to get upset since the rest of you are in that category as well.”

“Just shut up Rowanna!” The voice yelled, then said in a calmer voice, “You said your name was Stu, right? My name is Lia.”

“Farrious,” said the second voice.

“Pidge!” squeaked the first voice.

“And I am Rowanna, mistress of the forest lands and handmaiden to the First Sister.”

“And a big pain in the butt.”

“Farrious!” Snapped Lia again. “What were we just talking about before Stu joined us? That we needed to work together to get out?”

“I’m done with this,” said Stu. There was a snap of ropes breaking.

“How did you do that?!” Rowanna’s voice sounded shocked, which only made Stu grin.

“What? Your superior race can’t break through such weak ropes?”

“Do you think that you could untie the rest of us?” Lia asked.

“I can!” Pidge piped up. Then, to everyone’s amazement (except, of course, Stu who couldn’t see anything), she wiggled her small hands out of her bonds.

“Why didn't you do that an hour ago?!”

“FARRIOUS!”

“What?! That’s a completely reasonable question!”

“But now she’s hiding behind that box in the corner instead of untying the rest of us!”

“By all the -” Stu groped in the direction of the second voice and grabbed what felt like a thick rope.

“Let go of my hair, you heathen!”

“I’m trying to untie you, blockhead, or are you stupid as well as ugly?”

“You can’t even see me!”

“But I can smell you-”

“Just untie her, Stu.”

He did, and as soon as he was done a pair of strong hands spun his arm around his back and a voice hissed in his ear, “If you ever touch my hair again, I swear by the Six Sisters…”

“Yes, yes, Stu will never touch your hair again, now will you let him untie the rest of us?”

“I can help.” A pair of soft footsteps drifted across the floor to where Rowanna’s voice was coming from. “There we go, isn’t that so much better?”

“I suppose you have your uses.”

“Now let me get yours, Lia.”

There was a sound of something very small struggling, then a yelp.

“Goodness that smarts! I’m sorry, Lia, I can’t get these knots, they must have been tied by that other guard.”

“I got it,” Stu said. He started groping his way towards Lia’s voice when a small hand, no bigger than a child’s, slid into his. He let himself be led, and his hands were placed on a coil of rope. In one tug he had snapped these as well as if they were only a thread thick instead of the strongest twisted fibers money could buy.

“Thanks,” said Lia. “Now that we’re free, let’s figure out how to get out of here.”

“That’s easy,” said Stu, “we just knock down the door!”

“I guess you are as stupid are you look,” Fairrious said. “First of all, that is solid oak, and even you wouldn’t be able to knock it down. Secondly, there are at least twenty guards out there, and we happen to be unarmed!”

“I’m not seeing you giving any suggestions!”

“GUYS! The next one to say ANYTHING negative about ANYONE is going to get re-tied and left behind once we figure out how to get out of here!”

There was silence after that.

“Well, I can technically just break my-”

“STU!”

“Fine! If my idea of a direct assault, which has always worked for me in the past, is out, then what are other people’s ideas?”

“If I may make a suggestion,” Rowanna said, and you could almost see her nose sticking into the air, “It might be advisable to see what our resources are.”

“There’s nothing except for that box I was hiding behind and that broom in the corner.”
“A BROOM!” Rowanna shouted, and the sound of her light feet dashed to the side of the room.

“Um, Rowanna? This is hardly the time to start cleaning,” Farrious said. “Not that the effort wouldn’t probably improve this place.”

“No, you-”

Lia coughed.

“You very perceptive dwarf. If you rip off the bristles at the end-” the sound of something being ripped accompanied Rowanna’s heavy breathing. “Then you get a-”

“Staff!” Pipped Pidge. “That’s so clever of you!”

“THANK you. I’m glad someone is finally acknowledging my brilliance.”

“Ok, ok, so we have a staff,” Stu said, “what else do we have?”

“Well, there are those four giant wine casks against the back wall,” Pidge said.

“Oh, good idea, at least we can be drunk when they come to execute us,” Stu said.

“Execute us!?”

“Of course, that’s what my band always did to our prisoners - after we tortured them for information.”

“TORTURE!?!”

“Quit it Stu!”

“What did I do now?!”

“Wait a second, guys,” Rowanna said. “I mean, heed me, peasants! I think I see something written on this first cask here.”

“I don’t see anything,” said Farrious, “It’s just a bunch of squiggles.”

“Of course you can’t see it. It’s written in Druidaic. You can only see it, let alone read it, if you are a druid.”

“Well, what does it say?”

“It says…. es... Escape!”

“Let’s open it!” There was the sound of running feet, then grunting and straining.

“Let me,” Stu said, groping forward until he grabbed the edge of the wood, then heaved it open on invisible hinges. His lungs did not breathe in the sweet scent of fresh air. Instead, what hit his nostrils was the musty smell of dirt, rot, and air that hadn’t been touched for years. But like the dead being reanimated to life, a faint breeze brushed his face.

If there was a breeze, then there had to be an opening for the breeze to have come from.

“Let’s go,” Stu said, stepping forward, only to have his arm pulled back by the child-sized hands.

“No wait! It looks evil!”

“Like there are traps and something terrible at the end!” Farrious said, her voice shrinking back.

“But it said escape!”

“But can we really trust an elf?” Farrious said. “She might be sending us off to our deaths now that she has her staff!”

“Are you accusing me of stooping so low as lying, dwarf?!”

“Well, if the pointy ears fit.”

“I’m serious about leaving both of you behind!” Lia said, silencing everyone. “Alright, I highly doubt that Rowanna is leading us astray, but that being said - I agree that this passage looks dangerous. Maybe it is a trap and the actual way out is behind one of the other casks.”

“That sounds overcomplicated,” said Stu.

“It sounds smart,” said Farious, “which means it is probably true. Let’s look at the three other casks.”

There was a shuffling sound, then a tapping.

“Alright,” Farrious said, “This first one has a picture of a tree, the second one has a picture of an eagle, and the last one looks like a bear. Which one should we open first?”

“Shouldn’t we check to see if they are full of wine?” Lia said. “Maybe there is nothing behind any of them, then we would know that we have to go down the passage?”

“Good idea,” said Farrious. The sound of a splash hit the floor, quickly turning off. “Well, that rules out the tree one.”

Then there was the sound of Farrious’ feet moving on the stones.

Then silence.

Feet moving.

Silence.

“Alright,” Farrious said, a new strain in her voice. “Which one? Eagle or bear?”

“We might as well start at the end,” Lia said. Stu felt his way to the end and swung open the cask.

And the sound of a hundred thousand feet scattered out.

“SPIDERS!”

“SPIDERS!”

“SPIDERS!”

“SPIDERS!”

“SPIDERS?!?” Shouted Stu. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t see them; he started stomping his feet down faster than if he were on hot coals. There was a satisfying squishing sound beneath his feet.

“KillthemKillthem!”

“I’m trying!” Stu smashed another round.

“I’m a warlock!” Pidge yelled.

“I’m happy for you!” Farriious yelled. “That helps us how?”

“I can talk to them and ask them to stop attacking!”

A few strange sounds later, the scattering feet only sounded more frantic.

“What did you do?!”

“I might have freaked them out even more…”

“WHAT?!”

“All I did was ask them what they wanted and if they would be so kind as to leave us alone, to which they said something along the lines of ‘AH! OUR HOME IS OPEN! WE’RE IN DANGER DANGER DANGER!!!!’ - but, you know, they have small brains and don’t really think in words-”

“ANY OTHER IDEAS?!?”

“The wine!” Yelled Lia.

“Not a great time for a drink!”

“No! We can drown them!” There was the sound of a spigot turning and then a rush of liquid hitting the floor, spilling over Stu’s still stamping feet. He thought for a second that it might actually work - until something rushed up his legs.

“THEY’RE CLIMBING ON US!!!!!”

“They are telling each other to get onto dry ground!”

“I’m a dwarf, not a raft! Turn it off!”

“I’m trying!”

“Alright, you bloodsucking specks of hell!” Rowanna shouted. “Feel my wrath! SHILLELAGH!”

The brightest light Stu had ever seen burst into being right next to him, blinding him and making him almost forget the crawlers in his hair. When he could see again, the light was coming from what he could only describe as a shaft of pure sunlight, held by an elf dressed in a long rider’s jacket over leggings and tunic, belted at the waist. Her wavy hair flowed around her pointed ears and was held back with a tri-chained hairpiece draped over her head, meeting at a rounded ornament high on her forehead.

The spiders instantly stopped climbing and ran as fast as shadows back into the casks.

There were more of them than Stu had thought, and for the first time, he was grateful that he had been blind before.

Stu really hated spiders.

“It’s working!” Next to the elf was a woman smaller than he was, with the slight build and large eyes gnomes are known for. Her hair was pulled back into two high green pigtails, which he was sure had some other purpose other than making her look like a fourteen-year-old, he just wasn’t sure what that other purpose was.

“They’re afraid of the light!” She peeped again. “Don’t turn it off!”

“Wasn’t planning on it!”

As soon as the last flicking shadow disappeared through the cask door, Stu went to throw his weight onto it, but was beaten there by a sturdy woman about half a foot taller than he was with two thick braids. This had to be Farrious.

She leaned against the wood for a minute, letting everyone catch their collective breaths. She finally released the cask door, then gave it a good kick.

“So!” Said Stu, “Everyone ready to go down the obvious exit?”

Instead of the rousing cheer he was expecting, there were only nervous glances.

“Should we open the last one?” Lia asked.

“Might as well,” Farrioius replied.

“We’ll always wonder if we don’t,” Rowanna chimed in.

Stu turned to Pidge, daring her to join the others. Instead, she smiled at him, completely disarming his best glare.

“Fine,” he muttered, and walked over to pull open the door himself.

He grabbed the edge, took a deep breath, then yanked it open and jumped back, ready to stomp anything that might come out.

But there wasn’t a swarm of mostly harmless but still terrifying nightmares from the blackest abyss.

Instead, there was simply a large chest, and on top of it was a rat with beady little eyes, hissing at them.

“Want me to stomp on it?” he asked.

“Let me try talking to it!” Pidge jumped forward and started making weird chittering noises at it. Stu waited for this to fail again, but instead the rat made chittering noises back.

“What is it saying?” Lia asked.

“It wants to know if I’m the master.”

“And what are you going to say?”

She made more chittering noises, then the rat did the strangest thing. It lowered its head, and it took Stu a second to realize that it was bowing. Then it scurried off.

“What was that?” Rowanna asked.

“I might have told it that I was the master…”

“And that won’t come back to bite us - probably literally.”

“Hey!” Pidge yelled. “It beats having to fight it!”

“It was a rat!”

Farrious wasn’t paying attention to any of this highly intellectually stimulating conversation. Instead, she had stepped forward, opening the chest.

“Oh yeah!” She shouted and pulled out a great ax. “This is just what I needed!”

Stu and everyone else rushed forward. The weapons showed some signs of age, but were still in surprisingly good condition. Pidge took the hand crossbow and strung the string, making it taught as she pulled out a quiver of bolts. Rowanna took out a cimeter and gave it a familiar wave. Lia, who he could now see had the human features and the dully pointed ears of a half-elf, took the long bow and arrows. From the way she moved it onto her back, he wondered how he ever imagined her without it there.

Which left only him.

He reached in and pulled out two hand axes.

The wood almost seemed to mold to his calloused hands, the weight making his muscles flex like they had been starving for the resistance.

A grin spread across his face.

“Let’s go.”

Five figures stalked into the darkness, closing the cask door behind them.